"My Ex Is Turning My Child Against Me"—Now What?

One of the hardest moments for a parent facing parental alienation is when their child looks them in the eyes and says, "This is all your fault."

Blame. Resentment. Silence.
It’s gut-wrenching. And it happens all the time.

We recently had a powerful discussion in our REVIVE group coaching call where a mom shared:

“I wasn’t ready for it. My daughter just came out and said, ‘How could you do that to Dad?’ And I froze. I didn’t know what to say.”

If you’ve ever felt this, you’re not alone. And while it’s tempting to explain, correct, or defend yourself, there’s a better way.

In this guide, we’ll break down exactly what to say when your child blames you, so you can start shifting the dynamic and rebuilding trust.

Step 1: Resist the Urge to Defend Yourself

When your child accuses you—whether it’s repeating what they’ve heard from your ex or their own frustration—it’s natural to want to correct the record.

But defending yourself often backfires.

Instead of engaging in a back-and-forth argument, use the NABOC method:

NABOC: No Arguing, Blaming, or Criticizing

During our coaching call, one parent shared how this simple framework changed everything:

“I used to try to explain, but it just made things worse. This time, I just said, ‘I hear you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.’ And for the first time, she didn’t shut down.”

When you respond without arguing or defending, you remove the power struggle and create space for trust to rebuild.

Step 2: Validate Their Feelings Without Feeding the Conflict

Many alienated parents ask:
"How do I respond when my child believes the lies my ex is telling them?"

The answer? You don’t try to prove them wrong. 

Instead, validate their emotions.

💡 Try saying:
✅ “I hear that this is really upsetting for you.”
✅ “I understand that this has been really hard.”
✅ “Thank you for telling me how you feel.”

Notice that none of these statements are defensive. You’re not agreeing or admitting to anything false. You’re just showing them that their feelings are valid.

One parent from our call said:

“I was so scared my daughter would shut down, but when I told her I understood how hard this was, she actually listened.”

This is one of many huge steps towards healing our parents take in the REVIVE Roadmap program. 

Step 3: Set Boundaries on Hard Conversations

Some children—especially teenagers—will push for more details about the past.

You might hear things like:
❌ “Why don’t you just forgive Dad and go back?”
❌ “You ruined our family.”
❌ “You’re the reason we have to go back and forth.”

You don’t need to explain everything. Instead, you can gently set a boundary.

💡 Try saying:
✅ “There are things I’ll share when you’re older, but for now, my job is to love you.”
✅ “I know this feels unfair, and I wish things were easier for you.”
✅ “You don’t have to carry this. I’ll handle the adult stuff, and your only job is to be a kid.”

Another parent shared:

“I used to get so caught up in wanting to explain myself. But when I shifted to just focusing on my child’s needs, things got better.”

Step 4: Shift the Focus Back to Your Connection

Alienation thrives on conflict. The more your child sees peace, consistency, and love from you, the harder it is for them to keep believing the negative narrative.

That’s why your energy matters.

🔥 Instead of arguing, focus on small moments of connection.
🔥 Instead of explaining, focus on being the safe place.
🔥 Instead of fighting the alienation, focus on your relationship.

One mom in our coaching call said it best:

“It’s not about proving my ex wrong anymore. It’s about showing up differently—again and again—until the wall starts to crack.”

And that’s exactly how alienation begins to break down.

You’re Not Alone—And It’s Not Too Late

If you’ve been thinking:
"I don’t know how to talk to my child anymore."
"I feel like a stranger to them."
"My ex is turning my child against me."

Know this: Healing is possible.

Every week, parents in our community are breaking through years of no contact, false accusations, and rejection to rebuild strong, lasting relationships with their children.

And it starts with small shifts like this.

📌 Want more tools? Join our community by booking a call here.